Random Notes from a Crank

 

I saw this sign through my high school wrestling team's FB page. I really like it as a question and slogan. 

If any of you readers are moving from Twitter to Bluesky, I'm on that platform: @quintilianbnasty.

I was saddened to see that legendary broadcaster Bob Uecker passed away. Here's some an article by USA Today about "Major League Bob Uecker Quotes." 

I'm excited to see that there is going to be a new Daredevil series. Here's an article from a site called RadioTimes: "Daredevil: Born Again."

The Disney+ trailer is intriguing. 

I might have to watch the third season of the Netflix show to remind myself what happened at the end. Of course, there was also The Defenders series too that came after that third season. 

What Marvel needs to do a Power-Man and Iron Fist show (or Heroes for Hire), which might bring some levity to the MCU. 

Because I'm a frugal person, I'm astounded by people who don't return their shopping carts for their quarters. My usual spots for shopping for groceries are Aldi and Ruler Foods. Both places require you to put in a quarter to get a cart. 

However, there are some folks who don't return the carts, and I'm making money by returning their carts. I bet over the course of a year I probably make about 10 bucks doing this. 

I chalk up this frugality of mine to being a son of two parents who were children during the Great Depression. You don't waste money. 

Unpopular Opinion: Why Should I Assume You're Lying?

There are a couple of verbal viruses mucking about in our spoken lexicon. And I'm tired of them. 

The first verbal virus, and this is one that I hear often among young people, is the statement before one says something true. The person often says, "I'm not going to lie." 

Here's an example: "I'm not going to lie. I thought we were going do better today." 

The other virus that I'm tired of hearing is the phrase, "To be honest." 

An example: "To be honest, I didn't think much about him as a candidate until I started researching him." 

The problem with both of these viruses is the speaker, by uttering such words, is assuming that people think they are liars. 

Why do you want people to assume you're a liar? 

Cut the verbal refuse that doesn't nothing to add to the conversation. 

Musing of the Moment: Isocrates on the Youth in Ancient Greece

I'm running an independent study with an undergraduate who wants to study classical rhetoric. 

As I was reading Antidosis by Isocrates, I came across this passage of his take on the problems among the youth in Ancient Greece. 

"It is from these pursuits that you have for a long time now been driving out youth, because you accept the words of those who denounce this kind of education. Yes, and you have brought it about that the most promising of our young men are wasting their youth in drinking bouts, in parties, in soft living and childish folly, to the neglect of all efforts to improve themselves; while those of grosser nature are engaged from morning until night in extremes of dissipation which in former days an honest slave would have despised. You see some of them chilling their wine at the 'Nine-fountains'; others, drinking in taverns; others, tossing dice in gambling dens; and many, hanging about the training schools of the flute girls."

I'm thinking "same as it ever was, bruh."

They're youth.

Today I think you could replace the drinking with smoking weed.

I am intrigued by the prospect of "flute girls" though. Most people associate flute girls with prostitution, but according someone who knows Ancient Greece better than me, they are not necessarily prostitutes.

Check out "Flute Girls" on Mindship.

Random Notes from a Crank

 

Significant parts of the US population have been mentally hijacked by half-witted Lone Gunmen who are conspiracy theorists but just stooopider. 

It's a bad situation.

Actually, it is.

One episode is eerily reminiscent of Moscow Don's grievances. Check out the episode "He's Alive." 

So why not check these out. 

Adolf found another to take to Peter's place. 

Random Notes from a Crank

This interview, "Faint Sounds, Loud Impact," with Timothy A. Schuler reprinted in Utne reminds me of a number of themes and ideas in Florence Williams' fine book, The Nature Fix. Noise pollution is a problem, and it affecting the environment in various ways, most of them bad. 

In a similar vein, Craig Holdrege's article about Aldo Leopold, "Meeting Nature as Presence," is a fine essay that tracks the progressive nature of Leopold's thinking about environmental matters. "Thinking Like a Mountain" is one of his more famous essays from A Sand County Almanac, which is referenced in the essay, and it was one of my students' favorites when I used to teach an environmental rhetoric course. 

In the same fall issue of Utne, there's an interesting article "Public Banking Goes to Pot,"  which was originally published in High Country News and relates the problems the federal government has created because of their compliance rules about taking money from marijuana dispensaries. Because of these problems, there is some movement afoot for another public bank (North Dakota has the only one in the US), and if it's going to happen, it'll probably happen in Oakland. 

A writer from Politico relates some data analysis about the demographic divisions among America's two major parties: "Both Parties Gripped by Deep Divisions." I was heartened to learn that "Solid Liberals" are the largest group of the nine. Depending on the issue and mood I vacillate among these five groups: Market-Skeptic Republicans, New Era Enterprisers, Disaffected Democrats, Opportunity Democrats, and Solid Liberals. 

Random Notes from a Crank

I just have to vent this question. When the @#$% are The Bottle Rockets going to put out a new album? 

This weekend we're headed up to Iowa to visit my dad. We haven't visited since my mom's funeral in early February. We'll visit her grave on Saturday and take my old man out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse. He's moving to a smaller apartment in the old folks home. And yes, you just read "old folks home." I prefer that term to "assisted-living facility," which sounds way too technical and sterile. He's going to give my daughter a Norwegian doll of my mom's, which will make Hannah cry. And apparently he wants to give my son a bunch of old coins. He's been more upbeat when I have talked to him lately, so I think he's gotten somewhat used to being solo. I think the move to different apartment will also help.

I wish I could still read Latin like I used to. Right now one of the books I'm reading is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor. Back when I was in Latin classes, I have the privilege of reading Julius Caesar, Cicero, and others in their native tongue. Cicero's speech about the Catalinarian conspiracy is a serious work of art. And I enjoyed Julius Ceasar's style of writing: direct and concise. 

I started reading Brian Wood's comic books about Star Wars. His series informs readers about what was happening between Episode IV: Star Wars and Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. I do believe I'm hooked. I dig the depiction of Leia as a warrior princess. It's a fun narrative. 

Lately the only fiction I read is sequential art. 

For Father's Day I bought my dad The Forgotten Man: A New History of the Great Depression by Amity Shales. Virg was born in '27, so he was a little kid during the Depression. I'm thinking about buying the graphic version of the book that came out a while back. 

Random Notes from a Crank

For major writing projects in my courses, I provide the criteria I use when I evaluate their work. For larger projects, I sometimes create what I call "alternate criteria" just for kicks. I thought I'd share the alt criteria for a recent project:

A Successful Teaching Portfolio (Alt Criteria)

• Provides quality writing
•  Lights a candle of pedagogical knowledge
•  Instills pistis in the reader
•  Has rhetorical kung fu
•  Puts the critical in critical thinking
•  Is enjoyable to read
•  Exemplifies phronesis—practical wisdom
• Assures the reader that you know what you’re doing
•  Makes the mind step lively
•  Seduces the reader with smart ideas, policies, assignments, and lesson plans
•  Shows that the Teaching Force is strong in you
•  Offers prose free of hokum, claptrap, “Engfish,” gobbledygook, administrative-speak, and logical boondoggles
•  Is a hooey-free zone
•  Seeks vengeance on anyone who ever doubted your ability as an instructor
• Creates the sound of one hand clapping 

That's me quoting my professional self, something I rarely do on this blog. Don't get used to it. Those hyperlinks above might take you to some places though. 

With the legalization of marijuana in Colorado and Washington, I wonder if anyone has approached Cheech and Chong about doing a movie? 

Regardless, I'm curious about how much tax revenue those states will generate from pot sales this year. 

Typical of HBO's adaptation of Martin's Song of Ice and Fire series, this season's first episode of Game of Thrones sexxed up the storyline. If I remember right from A Storm of Swords, when Tyrion and Oberyn Martell meet for the first time, they do so on the road to King's Landing. Instead, HBO has Tyrion Lannister going to a whorehouse to meet the Red Viper, and the first scene that introduces Oberyn and Ellaria Sand plays with the backstory that they're both bisexual. Classic move, HBO. 

And if you're a fan of the series, here's "Death Never in Games of Thrones Never Looked So Beautiful" from Mashable. 

Random Notes from a Crank

The other day we were at the store checking out board games. Mrs. Nasty said she liked the board game Life. I never liked that game. It's depressing.

I'm an avid observer of doublespeak, academese, bureaucratese--what Richard Lanham calls "The Official Style." Another type of The Official Style is what I like to call administrative-speak. One word I've noticed quite a bit lately is "operationalize," which is long hand for "implement" or "get something done." So much for clear verbs. 

In contrast, this review of Billig's Learn to Write Badly: How to Succeed in the Social Sciences has a slightly different take on excessive nominalizations, prepositional phrases, Latinate terms, and other markers of academese. One could argue that such obtuse and crappy prose is a consequence of code grooming, but I still think it stinks and makes the reader work too hard. I'm for plainer language. 

Random Notes from a Crank

One of my favorite commercials for a college is a Georgia Tech one I saw last Saturday. See below. 

A fuller version of his spiel is below if you want a better context. 



I need to brace myself like that guy recommends because tomorrow evening my daughter is having her birthday party at our house. It's a theme party. All twelve girls coming over for the party and sleepover were given Clue-like names, such as Miss Scarlet and Miss Violet, and they will be put in pairs to solve this mystery: "Who killed my little brother?" The rooms of the house have different names and will have clues in them. 

The dead brother in question and I are leaving after the party gets started to take in the revived football rivalry between Charleston and Mattoon, the "Coles County Clash." 

Mrs. Nasty also found out today that a joke she told our daughter is being taken seriously for humorous effect. At a previous birthday party, apparently there was some drama between a few girls. Mrs. Nasty told our daughter, jokingly, that if anything like that happened at her party, that she'd "hose down" the offending parties. Tonight one of the moms of my daughter's friends told her that our daughter has been telling her friends that they need to take an extra set of clothes in case they have to be hosed down. I plan to have some fun with that image as my boy and I leave for the game tomorrow night. As we part ways, I might say something like, "I hope you are all good. I wouldn't want any of you to get hosed down." 

Random Notes from a Crank

I rarely watch hockey games anymore, but I caught the overtime of Game Seven between the Blackhawks and Red Wings. This statement has been made before I'm sure, but hockey is the sport that gets it right with both team shaking hands after a series is over. 

In related news, I suspect there were a lot of hungover people in Chicago today. 

As much as I think Starlin Castro is a talented baseball player, his off-and-on discipline at the plate reminds me of another former Cubs shortstop, Shawon Dunston. 

This week I received a new eBay purchase in the mail. I bought the first ever English composition handbook for college students. Edwin C. Woolley's Handbook of Composition was published in 1907. 

I also have my eyes out for other old textbooks by Adams Sherman Hill (Harvard), Fred Newton Scott (U of Michigan), Joseph Denney (Ohio State), Hugh Blair, et al. And if I had the capital, I'd also like to get Lectures on Rhetoric and Oratory by John Quincy Adams, but I don't see that happening. My last name isn't Rockefeller. It's NASTY.

Random Notes from a Crank

What you see above is my first purchase on Ebay. That's right. I'm online shopping like it's 1999. The adult beverage inside that fine Schlitz glassware is Shiner's Farmhouse Ale, which is a pretty darn good beer. It has an effective hop profile without being IPAish (though I'm a lover of IPAs). It's their spring ale.  I recommend it if you want a lighter ale that isn't barley-forward. 

As I've written about before, I'm not much of a collector besides music and books, but I was in a colleague's office the other day, and I noticed her old rhetoric-composition books from the late 19th century and early century. I'm told I can get such textbooks rather cheap, which isn't surprising. If I were to collect anything, it would be old rhetoric-composition textbooks because I'm intrigued by how education happened in the bad/good old days. I'm on the lookout for books Barrett Wendell (Harvard), Fred Newtown Scott (U of Michigan), and Joseph Denney (Ohio State). Scott and Denney had very popular textbooks in the early 20th century. 

I haven't homebrewed in years. I'd have to check my homebrew log that I keep, but it had been at least three years I think. Now that we've cleaned up the basement in a major way, I may have to get back in the homebrewing game. Fair warning, Mrs. Nasty. 

Our little homestead got a new back fence on Saturday. A whole section of it blew down weeks ago. It looks nice, and Mrs. Nasty already has plans for planting flowers by it, which will entail me digging up more sod this spring.

Random Notes from a Crank

After driving from Venice, Florida to Nashville on Friday, it's clear to me that both Florida and Georgia are very long states. Call me Captain Obvious. 

On the drive through Florida and Georgia, I was surprised how many billboards there were on I-75. I've haven't driven much on major interstates on the East Coast, so I don't have a lot of exposure to them, but there were billboards everywhere -- just constant.

A particular billboard I had to suffer through was one advertising a gentleman's club somewhere in the Atlanta area with this simple message: "STRIPPERS. Need we say more?" Thank the Gods that my nine-year daughter was watching movies and reading books because I really didn't want to field the question of "Daddy, what's a stripper?" If posed with that question, I think I'll redirect it with a statement such as "Well, maybe Mommy can explain that." You've been warned, Mrs. Nasty. 

To occasionally counterbalance the stripper advertising, there were assorted religious billboards, which got me thinking...

Why not combine the two?: Pole dancing for Jesus. Read the opinion piece and watch the video. Believe!  

Then I did a simple web search with the search term "Strippers for Jesus." I found all kinds of stuff, including a documentary about the "Pussycat Preacher." 

It appears this kooky idea has already been taken. 

Another big billboard I saw a lot of over a stretch of road was advertising for a gas station named Magnolia Plantation. I suspect they don't get a ton of African-Americans customers with that name since I suspect many folks aren't interested in going to a place called a plantation. Just sayin'.

Since the presidential election is now behind us, I also wondered whether all the blank billboards I saw were from the political ads that harassed stalked blanketed Florida. I noticed a few political billboards here and there about how the sky is going to fall if Obama gets reelected, but not a ton. 

Simplifying the Issues

Since the election season approaches and because some readers who live in battleground states will have to suffer through a morbid glut of TV ads about this or that candidate, I thought I'd share some wisdom gleaned from the The Worst-Case Scenario Almanac: Politics. 

The whole book is an enjoyable read, but in Chapter 3, which is titled "The Media and the Message: Spin Cycle," there is a set of recommendations called "How to Simplify a Complicated Message." The principles seem like they've been sent from the grave of Lee Atwater. 

So if you live in one of those poor states that is considered a "toss-up" or "in play" or if you're simply masochistic, viewing the ads through these recommendations might be valuable. I'm going to quote from book at length because the authors, David Borgenicht and Turk Regan are spot on with how many of these political ads work. 

So here you go:

Principle 1: "Be Emotional." Simply put, "Effective and memorable political messages depend on inspiring emotional responses from voters that drive them to polls."

Principle 2: "Draw a picture." This is where the either-or fallacy is the Sophist's friend: "Reduce the issue or situation to a single image or pair of opposing images in which it is clear what is good and what is bad.... The direct connection between the images and the issue are less important than the positive or negative emotional reactions that they stir..." 

Principle 3: "Use an Analogy." If visuals don't work, they recommend "describ[ing] the situation or issue in terms of a familiar, folksy saying in which it is obvious what is preferable, in a way that even the least sophisticated of voters can understand and appreciate" For example, some supported Bush over Kerry because "We don't want to change horses midstream [during a war]." 

Principle 4: "Remove all doubt." In political ads, complexity is the enemy: "Remove all shading, nuance, or equivocation from your statements about the issue. State that any acknowledgment of complication surrounding the issue by your opponent is a sign of weakness and being 'soft' on the matter at hand." 

Principle 5: "Compare and Contrast." See how this connects to Principle 2: "Paint the issue as a conflict in the broadest possible terms, between right and wrong, or good and evil." 

Music Friday: "Big Rock Candy Mountain"

I featured a Springsteen song in a Music Friday post a while back that my daughter really likes. "American Land" is one of the bonus tracks on the Wrecking Ball album, which I have in my car right now. My daughter wants me to play the song all the time, which is fine because I like the song, and it's a political statement about immigration. 

Two stanzas from the lyrics stand out to me, especially since I recently looked at the idealistic rhetoric happening in state mottoes. Here are the lines I've latched onto:

Over there all the women wear silk and satin to their knees.

And children, dear, the sweets, I head, are growing on the trees. 

Gold comes rushing out the rivers straight into your hands

When you make your home in the American land.

There's diamonds in the sidewalk, the gutters lined in song.

Dear, I hear that beer flows through the faucets all night long. 

There's treasure for the taking, for any hard working man

Who'll make his home in the American land.

It's poetic hyperbole for a purpose, but it strikes me as reminiscent of the song "Big Rock Candy Mountain" made popular by the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack. 

See the lyrics of that song below: 

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
By Harry McClintock

One evening as the sun went down
And the jungle fires were burning,
Down the track came a hobo hiking,
And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning,
I'm headed for a land that's far away
Besides the crystal fountains.
So come with me, we'll go and see
The Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty
And the sun shines every day
And the birds and the bees
And the cigarette trees
The lemonade springs
Where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmers' trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
The winds don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
You never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats
And the railway bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
You can paddle all around it
In a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
The jails are made of tin.
And you can walk right out again,
As soon as you are in.
There ain't no short-handled shovels,
No axes, saws nor picks,
I'm bound to stay
Where you sleep all day,
Where they hung the jerk
That invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

I'll see you all this coming fall
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

So what am I getting at here, you might thinkin'. The song by Springsteen presents how the US was and, to a degree, still is presented as a land to opportunity, a place of unbounded wealth, a state of beneficent grace. 

As Springsteen tersely relates in two of the latter stanzas of his song, here's the upshot:

The McNicholas, the Posalskis, the Smiths, Zerillis too
The Blacks, the Irish, Italians, the Germans and the Jews
They come across the water a thousand miles from home
With nothing in their bellies but the fire down below.

They died building the railroads, they worked to bones and skin.
They died in the fields and factories, names scattered in the wind.
They died to get here a hundred years ago, they're still dying now
Their hands that built the country we're always trying to keep out. (italics mine)

Though not about America as a whole, McClintock's song, as far as I can tell, is depicting the  idealization of the West (see California's "Eureka") via a hobo's dream. 

In fact, Wallace Stegner reportedly got the title of his novel from the song. It's the same novel Wendell Berry uses as a launching point to discuss the "Boomer" and "Sticker" mindsets of American culture in one of his fine essays I read years ago, and it's one that has stuck with me. 

Berry also presented these competing mindsets in his Jefferson Lecture, which is one of the nation's highest prizes for "distinguished intellectual and public achievement in the humanities" awarded by the National Endowment for the Humanities. 

The essay/lecture is titled "It All Turns on Affection." 

It is recommended reading. 

But getting back to the song for today, a song that hit #1 on the country music charts in 1939, I think it's my favorite on the O Brother soundtrack, and I suspect it was a big if not a singular influence on Springsteen's song even though the Boss wraps his composition in Irish-Gaelic musical stylings. 

As for me, I'm dreaming of lemonade springs, bluebirds singing, lakes full of Maker's Mark, and sleeping all day. 

I want to find that place. 

Oh, and here's the song.

Riffing on State Mottoes

When we were at Target this Saturday, we looked through the $1 bins like we usually do. We picked up some educational materials for the kids, and one of the bargains we got my daughter is a set of United States flash cards.

As I was checking them out yesterday, I focused on the states' mottoes. I thought I'd share my thoughts about them.

Alabama: "We Dare Defend Our Rights." That's seems a little confrontational. How dare you, Alabamians! Wouldn't "We Defend Our Rights" be much cleaner and not so prickly sounding? I like the old Alabama state motto better, which was "Here We Rest." It's more relaxed and laid back.

Alaska: "North to the Future." This is typical of the Chamber of Commerce jingoism you'll see more of quickly. What future?

Arizona: "God Enriches." What happened to the separation of Church and State the Founding Fathers, many of whom were staunch Freemasons, favored? I don't like this. States can do better than religious-induced, sunshine-pumpin' aphorisms. You'll see more of this foolishness soon.

Arkansas: "The People Rule." That's a nice sentiment, but it sounds a lot like bullshit. Perhaps it should be updated to "Super PACs and corporations and special interest groups rule even before the Roberts Court deemed that money equals speech."

California: "Eureka," aka "I Have Found It." The translation fits with California's mythos. I kind of like it. It takes cojones to have a good one-word motto.

Colorado: "Nothing Without Providence." Here we go again. See Arizona.

Connecticut: "He Who Transplanted Still Sustains." I like it. The motto connects to the American boomer mentality but spins it for the positive. "Sustains" is a strong verb.

Delaware: "Liberty and Independence." Can state mottoes be called for plagiarism?

Florida: "In God We Trust." Wow, that's original. See Delaware, Colorado, and Arizona.

Georgia: "Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation." If anyone has studied the civil rights movement, they would see that this motto does not fit Georgia. The governor back in the 60s recommended that citizens use axe-handles on demonstrators. I like the motto's idealistic triad though. We should aspire for all of those.

Hawaii: "The Life of the Land is Perpetuated by Righteousness." I'm having some trouble parsing this one, but I love what seems to be a focus on environmental sustainability. It reminds me a number of poems by W.S. Merwin where he discusses defending Hawaii's sacred lands and trees.

Idaho: "It is Forever." What is "it"? I call Idaho on a hazy referent.

Illinois: "State Sovereignty, National Union." This sounds more like a motto for Jeffersonians than one for a state notorious for being politically and culturally bi-polar. It should be revised to "Chicago Political Oligarchy, State Disarray."

Indiana: "The Crossroads of America." That's horrible. It beats Alaska for Chamber of Commerce jingoism so far.

Iowa: "Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights We Will Maintain." I'm biased of course (a native Iowan), but I really like this one. The dyad of liberties and rights works for me, and the use of first person plural is smart. The pronoun indicates that citizens are all in it together.

Kansas: "To the Stars Through Difficulties." I have little inkling on what that means. There's got to be a story there.

Kentucky: "United We Stand, Divide We Fall." See Delaware and Florida.

Louisiana: "Union, Justice, and Confidence." The first two are what you'd expect from a state motto, but then those Cajuns slip in "confidence" on you. I wonder why confidence? Did Louisiana have a inferiority complex at one time? Did Texas beat it up in the 19th century?

Maine: "I Direct." See Idaho. I suspect "I" represents some kind of ceremonial deism though. See Florida, Colorado, and Arizona.

Maryland: "Strong Deeds, Gentle Words." Maybe we can accuse Teddy Roosevelt of plagiarism of Maryland's motto. Maryland's motto is better than Teddy's famous phrase though. This is classic antithesis. Well done, Maryland.

Massachusetts: "By the Sword We Seek Peace, but Peace Under Liberty." This makes sense for a colony and then a state known for its disputatious character and reputation.  It works well, I think.

Michigan: "If You See a Pleasant Peninsula, Look Around You." When I first read this one, I thought "What?!?" It smacks of Chamber of Commerce jingoism but is flat out goofy. I doubt there are Americans out there thinking, "I need to find a good peninsula," unless of course they're geographers.

Minnesota: "The Star of the North." The Minnesotans beat Alaska to this one. Because I have a bias for the Gopher State, I'm a fan of this motto.

Mississippi: "By Valor and Arms." As they are typically depicted, Southern gentlemen want to be remembered as valiant, so valor makes sense here. I can see a bunch of landed gentry thinking up this motto as they sipped hot toddies back at the hunting lodge.

Missouri: "The Welfare of the People Shall Be the Supreme Law." Oh, I really like this one. It's one of my favorite states too. "Shall" isn't used enough anymore, "welfare of the people" rings true for me, and "supreme law" is strong diction.

Montana: "Gold and Silver." Apparently in Montana, it's all about the Benjamins, which begs the question: Why aren't there any good hip-hop outfits coming out of the Treasure State? Regardless, now I know where Yukon Cornelius hails from. That drunk miner just got the motto mixed up.

Nebraska: "Equality Before the Law." This motto makes it sound like Nebraskans, who are good folk, are focused squarely on jurisprudence. I like the saying and sentiment, but it doesn't adequately reflect the Cornhusker State.

Nevada: "All for Our Country." No states rights foolishness for Nevadans.

New Hampshire: "Live Free or Die." This has to be the most famous state motto, and it deserves its fame even though the authors provide an either-or proposition. No nuance with this one, memorable, and a great Son Volt song.

New Jersey: "Liberty and Prosperity." Surely Jersey folks could have come up with something better than this. See Kentucky, Delaware, and Florida.

New Mexico: "It Grows as It Goes." This maxim espouses patience, which I would imagine is necessary when a state is mostly a desert. I wonder if this is where the maxim "It is what it is" came from.

New York: "Ever Upward." I think this would be a good slogan for boner-creating drugs like Cialis and Viagra: "Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction? Try the new drug ____, and it's ever upward!"

North Carolina: "To Be, Rather Than to Seem." I like what the Tar Heels have done here. In other words, don't act like something you're not. Be yourself. That's a good message, but I don't know how appropriate it is for a state motto.

North Dakota: "Liberty and Union, Now and Forever, One and Inseparable." Oh, Good Lord! Why not shove "the pursuit of happiness" into the motto while you're at it? See New Jersey, Kentucky, Delaware, and Florida.

Ohio: "With God, All Things Are Possible." I hate this. All things are not possible. There are such things as science, biology, chemistry, and the laws of physics. See Florida, Colorado, and Arizona.

Oklahoma: "Labor Conquers All Things." Although at first read I really liked this one because I valorize (take that Mississippians) hard work, grit, discipline, and resilience, when you think about it, it's a lot like Ohio's. They just replaced God with Labor.

Oregon: "She Flies With Her Own Wings." We can presume "she" is the state of Oregon. But Oregon is the Beaver State. Beavers can't fly. They swim. They chew wood. I call you on your illogical motto, Oregon. Your move, female winged beaver.

Pennsylvania: "Virtue, Liberty, and Independence." The last two of the trio are standard fare as we've seen ad nauseum. But I like the inclusion of "virtue" at the top of the list. We don't worry about virtue as much as we should. We should be virtuous in civic behavior, but if you go by talk radio and the cable news channels, you're not going to find a lot of virtuous civil behavior on display. Of the lifted mottoes, this is one of the better ones.

Rhode Island: "Hope." Like I said about California, it takes balls to go with a one-word motto. But hope is such a squishy word that it leaves the reader with little to hang on to.

South Carolina: "Prepared in Mind and Resources" & "While I Breathe, I Hope." In typical South Carolinian fashion, the state has two mottoes. While I enjoy the phrase "prepared in mind," neither motto works for me. And how can one be prepared in resources? I guess a state can prepare its resources, but more generally, a state has resources that get depleted. Or in the case of some aquifers, they get replenished.

South Dakota: "Under God, the People Rule." Here we go once again. See Ohio, Florida, Colorado, and Arizona.

Tennessee: "Agriculture and Commerce." We have a contender with Indiana for the worst state motto.

Texas: "Friendship." Everything isn't bigger in Texas. This brash state provides a two-syllable motto that means something and nothing. See Rhode Island.

Utah: "Industry." I'm beginning to think writers of these these commercial mottoes should have tried haikus instead. At least I like haikus.

Vermont: "Freedom and Unity." Vermonters take two concepts that could be seen as opposites and conjoin them. How paradoxical of you Green Mountain State. Me like.

Virginia: "Thus Always to Tyrants." Now that is a memorable and historic saying. I would imagine many Virginians nowadays don't like being connected to John Wilkes Booth. But George Mason recommended the phrase reportedly uttered by Brutus.

Washington: "By and By." If I had all of the mottoes by themselves and had to connect them to certain states blindly, I would guess this motto was connected with Hawaii. The Evergreen State surprises with this one. I'm not sure how to take it, but I think it'd be a great name for a bar: "I'm going to the By and By."

West Virginia: "Mountaineers Are Always Free." This is a nice anthem to provide positive imagery for a state that, unfortunately, could use some good news.

Wisconsin: "Forward." Of all the one-word mottoes, I'm supporting Wisconsin's. It defeats California in that competition.

Wyoming: "Equal Rights." When I think of Wyoming, I don't think of equal rights. However, it also has the moniker of the Equality State. I was intrigued how this came to be, and apparently Wyoming women were the first women to be able to vote, hold public offices, and serve on juries. Way to go!.

So if there were a state motto smackdown, here are the ranked contenders if I'm serving as a one-person selection committee. You've already seen their flags:

1. Iowa: "Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights We Will Maintain."
2. New Hampshire: "Live Free or Die."
3. Missouri: "The Welfare of the People Shall Be the Supreme Law."
4. Virginia: "Thus Always to Tyrants."
5. Vermont: "Freedom and Unity."
6. Hawaii: "The Life of the Land is Perpetuated by Righteousness."
7. Wisconsin: "Forward."
8. Connecticut: "He Who Transplanted Still Sustains." 
9. Maryland: "Strong Deeds, Gentle Words."
10. North Carolina: "To Be, Rather Than to Seem."

I''ve made a poll where you can vote for your favorite among those ten candidates. Please vote. 

Random Notes from a Crank

I tried a new beer recently. It's Shiner's Ruby Redbird. Normally, I despise any beer that has fruit in it, especially when people use limes as an adjunct in Mexican beer, especially Corona, one of the worst beers in the world. Well, there's also the beauty and horror that is Rhinelander lager, but that's another story. But I was surprised by the product out of Spoetzl Brewery in Shiner, Texas. They put ruby red grapefruit and ginger into the wort. And it works. The sourness and bitterness of the grapefruit juice works much like hops and isn't overpowering. I didn't taste any ginger at all though. It's certainly a "lawnmower beer," a summer brew that isn't heavy and seems to refresh you. I recommend the beer after doing some work outside on a hot day if you want to try something different. But you have to like grapefruit juice to like the beer. Fair warning.

On Saturday, we got a brief respite of drizzling rain here in East Central Illinois. It was just a tease to make us try to forget how screwed farmers are because of the drought. I haven't mowed my lawn in almost two months.

The Green Party selected its presidential nominee. Dr. Jill Stein will run, and the campaign qualifies for federal matching funds. As the media coordinator of the Green Party argues, "The United States desperately needs another party." In the AP story about her nomination, Stein is quoted as saying, "We need real public servants who listen to the people -- not to corporate lobbyists that funnel campaign checks into the big war chests. That's what brought me to the Green Party, the only national party that is not bought and paid for by corporate money." If she had a chance in Hades of winning, and I don't even know if she'll even be on the ballot here in Illinois, I'd vote for her.

If you're a fan of rhetoric, dark humor, and acerbic wit, read Jourdon Anderson's letter to his former master enslaver, Colonel P. H. Anderson of Tennessee.

Random Notes from a Crank

As I was driving home after picking up the kids the other day, I noticed a house for sale sign that I had never seen before. Often when realtors put their signs on the front lawns around here, marking their marketing territory, they'll often place an additional sign at the top that provides a positive feature of the property, such as "basement," "sunroom," and "family room." This house, however, offered this enticement: "investment." From the looks of the home, that word needs an adjective before it, such as "long-term" or "bad."

Wednesday night the Alabama softball team won the World Series. That's the Capstone's first National Championship in softball, and the Crimson Tide's win is the first time an SEC team has won the national championship in softball. It's been a great year for Crimson Tide athletics. The football team demolished LSU in the BCS national championship. The ladies gymnastics team won its sixth national championship. The ladies golf team won a national championship. Unfortunately, the men's golf team got second after losing to Texas on the last hole of match play. But now softball got theirs. Roll Tide.

I stumbled across the fact that we have the Documentary Channel via DirectTV. I've already watched documentaries on Levon Helm, Yogi Berra, and The Secret to a Happy Ending, the 2009 documentary about the Drive-By Truckers. And I have five or six taped in my DVR queue. Hello Documentary Channel -- Goodbye productivity.

My neighbor told me this morning that she scared two raccoons out of her year at about 4:30 a.m. One, she said, was quite big. We've had opossums in the neighborhood before, but this is the first incident with raccoons I know of. Those critters are smart and everywhere as evidenced by the Raccoon Nation documentary my son and I watched a while back. The Nature documentary tracked the movements of urban raccoons in Toronto and observed their behavior, tactics, and strategies. Impressive mammals.

Conservatives' Cliches

Hours after I make a post about how I won't probably post about politics much, I read the syndicated op-ed column by Clarence Page in my local paper. In the JG-TC, it is titled "Taking Stock of Conservatives and Their Lists of Cliches," but on website of the Chicago Tribune, it is called "Cliches Conservatives Say."

Page is responding to a book by Jonah Goldberg titled The Tyranny of Cliches: How Liberals Cheat in the War of Ideas.

I find it interesting that Goldberg thinks that liberals and progressives cheat by using cliches because conservatives and libertarians use them too. We're human after all.

In addition, and I know Jay Heinrichs who wrote Thank You for Arguing and Word Hero would agree with me on this supposition, I would argue that conservatives and the GOP, on the whole, are typically better at rhetorically/linguistically framing issues than Democrats and liberals are.

A good example are the slogans of "pro-life" and "pro-choice." Sure, people like to have their choices, but "pro-life" is difficult linguistic trap to escape.

Damn reality and its "liberal bias."

Random Notes from a Crank

My daughter came home a couple of days ago talking excitedly about how they're learning about fables in her second grade class. She began lecturing us on the major components of a fable: the characters are animals, there needs to be at least two of them, often there's a problem and a solution, there's a moral to the story, and so on. She says she's going to write her own fable called "The Fox and the Chipmunk." Last night on our ride back home from dance practice, I told her that maybe we could both write fables and then compare them. Mine might be titled "The Grouchy Turtle, The Wolverine, & The Blue Jay." I'm thinking about starting it out this way: "A turtle, a wolverine, and a blue jay walk into a bar..."

That reminds me of one of my favorite tales by Twain: "Jim Baker's Blue-Jay Yarn." Some people think the tale reflects Twain's experience about how he wasn't humorous at all at an event for Whittier's 70th birthday. He told a story about Longfellow, Oliver Wendell Holmes, and Emerson being drunk at a miner's cabin, and the tale went over like a lead balloon. I tend to think the tale is a commentary on human nature, however.

Writing a fable might be a way for me to start her overt rhetorical education since that genre is the first part of the fourteen part gauntlet of the progymnasmata from classical rhetoric. Maybe something to start this summer ... her summer school. Vituperation could get nasty though. But as the Roman educator Quintilian said, I aim to help her become "a good person speaking/writing well."

There are a couple of meetings I go to regularly at work where what I like to call "administrative-speak" is fully displayed. At least they're not throwing around the despicable, horrible word "incentivize," but I am sure tired of "leverage" being used as a verb. All kinds of stuff is always needing to get "leveraged." We need to do this to "leverage" that. We need to think how to "leverage" this or that in the future. And so on. LEVERAGE... Leverage... leverage. So "leverage" might be the new "incentivize" (the "new black"). And I hate it. Then I read this one very expensive report where a consultant recommended that we need to "incent" people. That @#$% might be even worse than the overuse of leverage. And while we're at it, we also need to "streamline efficiencies."

Because we had a freakishly warm March like much of the US, I got sucked into buying three bell pepper plants and a Poblano pepper plant. It has been cold here in East Central Illinois recently, and now I think those plants are dead. I was in the garden watering this afternoon, and they didn't look good at all. Damn you Rural King for having them available and damn me for having a false sense of security.

Today I had both of the starting pitchers in the Brewers-Cubs game going on my fantasy game. Greinke got shelled. Garza almost pitched a complete game shutout. Bitter. Sweet.

Music Friday: "Skyline" & "It Didn't Make a Sound"

To counter last week's offering to the heavy metal gods, today I'm providing a couple of tunes by the Court Yard Hounds, the two sisters who are part of the Dixie Chicks.

Their album is one of the CDs I have in my car right now. I'm trying to expose my daughter to female musicians other than Taylor Swift, Katie Perry, and all the other stuff out there.









Listening to the Court Yard Hounds gets me to wondering when the Dixie Chicks will put out a new album. Their last one was outstanding.

[That's right. I like the Dixie Chicks. You can go to Hell if that's a problem.]

Last year in Rhetoric Review, one of the academic journals I enjoy reading but sometimes have a hard time keeping up with, Emil B. Towner from Texas Tech has an article titled "A Apologia: The Transcendence of the Dixie Chicks." The abstract is the following:

In the mid 1980s, Union Carbide used the apologia strategy of transcendence with mixed results—repairing some relationship while harming others. Two decades later the Dixie Chicks's use of transcendence revealed a similar dichotomy. Using ideographic analysis, the author examines (1) why transcendence appeals to one audience while alienating another and (2) how social values are shaped in the process. Ultimately, the author argues that the Dixie Chicks's strategy of transcendence appealed to the ideograph and in doing so constructed a concretized—and polarizing—definition of what it means to be a patriotic American during times of war.    

Natalie Maines' "controversial" comment about Bush created a media frenzy that got the talking heads on the cable news, entertainment, and infotainment programs chattering on for a good while. Her comment and the media circus about it made the three ladies lose a lot of fans. But they also kept and gained many fans, and I was impressed by them sticking to the values and opinions they believe in.

As Towner relates in the conclusion of his article, "the Dixie Chicks's unapologetic rhetoric stands out as a prime example of the ways in which rhetors can choose to redefine societal values, as opposed to the widely held belief that successful apologia strategies must reaccept or at least identify with the societal values that they are accused of breaking" (307).  

Or to put it another way, as Maines related at the time, "My comments were made in frustration, and one of the privileges of being an American is you are free to voice your point of view."