Random Notes from a Crank

Lately I've been thinking of some statements people say all the time that don't have any real counters, any opposites that make sense. For example, here are some statements people would likely never say:

• I love needles. [counter of the often said, "I hate needles."]
• It's the heat, not the humidity.
• I enjoy standing in line. [which reminds me of a humorous story about a guy whose hobby is "queuing"]
• I wish this meeting could go longer. 
• You need to think inside the box [I might actually use this one because I despise the cliche, "thinking outside the box."]
• We need to be retroactive.
• It is what it isn't. 
• Take the low road.
• I don't teach or believe in critical thinking.
• Let's go find my future ex-wife. [I think I've actually said that, however.]

The Nasty household has gotten back to making popcorn the old fashioned way. I use a cast-iron Dutch oven, use three tablespoons of veggie oil, and a half cup of popcorn kernels. Good stuff, people. 

After the watching the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame induction/performance, I promptly got myself a couple of new CDs: The Essential Bill Withers and Green Day's American Idiot. 

The TV channels I frequent often have pecker-pill commercials on them, and I mute them with the kids in the room. Who wants their kids to hear about "erections" and "erectile dysfunction"? Regardless, I'm worried that after seeing so many commercials about erectile dysfunction that I'll suddenly catch it like the commercials with sultry 40some women could spread ED like a communicable disease. 

Greybeard

It's been ten years since I've grown a beard. Back then I had a few grey hairs here and there. 

Now I have all kinds of grey in my facial hair. 

While I'm not going to go out and purchase some Just For Men gel, I will provide one of the company's poorly done commercials.



"Oh, it's bad."

Random Notes from a Crank

As Xmas approaches, I've seen all kinds of jewelry commercials. I don't know why anyone would actually name a jewelry company Jared, an innocuous male name but one that reminds of some bitter late-20s dude who lives in his parent's basement. And Kay jewelers, right... Every kiss begins with them supposedly. How annoying. The portrayal of women is both commercials is the same sexist tripe we see lots of places, but I wonder if "If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it" is not much, if at all, different? 

On one of the InterWeb fora I visit regularly, people were talking about their top five John Cusack movies. Lots of people like Say Anything, but it never blew me away like it has other people. I'm a big fan of one of Cusack's early comedies, Better Off Dead. In the midst of the discussion about Say Anything though, I was reminded of Lloyd Dobler's excellent answer about his career interests. 



I don't have a ton to say about the Phil Robertson interview and suspension, but it's not surprising he holds such dumb, intolerant views. As one of my buddies on FB pointed out, Christians don't pay attention to all kinds of passages anymore, such as the ones that condone slavery, so this seems just to be another case of applying silly passages to the real world. The whole deal reminds me of what either H.L. Mencken said about Christianity (or maybe was it Twain?). I'm paraphrasing here, but the statement was something like this: It's not that Christianity is a bad religion. It's just some of the followers are whack-jobs. 

Nevertheless, here are some quotations about religion by Mencken if you're so inclined: Mencken on religion. 

This statement seems relevant: "The way to deal with superstition is not to be polite to it, but to tackle it with all arms, and so rout it, cripple it, and make it forever infamous and ridiculous. Is it, perchance, cherished by person who should know better? Then their folly should be brought out into the light of day, and exhibited there in all its hideousness until they flee from it, hiding their heads in shame. True enough, even a superstitious man has certain inalienable rights. He has a right to harbor and indulge his imbecilities as long as he pleases, provided only he does not try to inflict them upon other men by force. He has the right to argue for them as eloquently as he can, in season and out of season. He has the right to teach them to his children. But certainly he has no right to be protected against the free criticism of those who do not hold them. He has no right to demand that they be treated as sacred. He has no right to preach them without challenge."

Afro Sheen & Frederick Douglass

Another point of the Soul Train documentary I just recalled was the bizarre commercial related to the hair care products from Don Cornelius' company.

This commercial deserves some deep rhetorical analysis.





"My sentiments almost exactly."

Commercial

Click HERE if you're interested in watching some of the ways you can apply the phrase "Roll Tide" in everyday life.

Apply liberally.

Roll Tide.

Mr. Microphone Haircut

As I was running tonight, one of the many thoughts rumbling through my head is how I seriously need a haircut.

As Corey described my 'do once at a party, I have a "Mr. Microphone haircut."

In honor of that funny comment, I offer you a classic ad from Ronco.

Click HERE for the one of the best lines in a TV commercial ever, "Hey, good lookin', we'll be back to pick you up later!"