Worst Contracts in MLB

As the dead season of sports rolls on for me, I'm of course doing research for my fantasy baseball draft. But I heard about a column about the worst MLB contracts on Chicago sports radio today when I was taking the kids to school. The talk show host mentioned it, but I had to get to work before I could hear what they had to say. 

Here it is, "The Worst 15 Contracts in Baseball" by Jonah Keri. 

And here are some my favorite snippets from the article: 

• On Marmol: "Even teams who believe in the mystique of the Proven Closer probably wouldn't touch Marmol at this point."
• On Soriano: "If Jason Kubel is available for $7.5 million a year (and not exactly attracting an army of suitors), what chance does Soriano have at two and a half times that number?"
• On Pujols: "He was a four-win player in 2012, and even in this pumped-up market, you don't pay someone $25 million a year until a player's early 40s when you're starting at that level. Sure, the Dodgers could always trade for Pujols and make him their new shortstop/no. 3 starter/clubhouse attendant. More likely, he'll be the Angels' burden to bear, a still-very-good but basically unmovable player who'll put a strain on one of the hardest-to-strain team revenue streams in baseball."
• On Dunn: "If you're going to pay an offense-only player $15 million a year in that climate, he'd better be Babe Ruth crossed with Rickey Henderson crossed with a St. Bernard puppy who brings you neck-barrels of Cristal."
• On Uribe: "Dodger no. 3. We said that we wouldn't pick on the Greg Dobbses of the league for this list, and you could argue that Dobbs might actually offer more value to a major league club as a lefty pinch-hitter and occasional spot starter than Uribe does with … whatever it is that he does."
•  On Wells: "Someday, hundreds of years from now, our highly evolved, gigawatt-obsessed successors will occupy their daily lives trying to answer the one unanswerable question of the universe: What could have possibly possessed Tony Reagins to trade Mike Napoli for $84 million worth of Vernon Wells?"