Random Notes from a Crank

 Saturday Night Live did a good skit on the stupidity of the holiday ads that have some significant other giving the other a car for Xmas. I've never gotten those commercials, especially that GM one that has a dude giving his wife and himself two new vehicles. 

Only rich white people would think that buying a car for Xmas is an attainable goal. 

If Coach Monken (Army) or Coach Niumatalolo (Navy) don't get one of these coaching jobs out there, ADs have no guts. Think of how excellent athletes at big time D1 program could do the triple option (think Nebraska of old) and update it with some passing wrinkles.

In the era of more dual-threat QBs, it just makes sense. They could take those offenses, adopt a more balanced approach of running and passing with really good athletes, and give some teams some serious problems.

Maybe the Vanderbilt AD has the guts and brains to hire either Niumatalolo or Monken.

I was surprised Gus Malzahn got canned by Auburn. However, his 21 million dollar buyout will be him comfortable.

Illinois finally got around to firing Lovie Smith. It's kind of hard to retain a coach who has never had a winning season.

The U of Illinois is a shambles of a Big 10 program. I read in The Athletic today that in their last signing class only three of their commits were in-state recruits.

Random Notes from a Crank

A couple of weeks ago I was on the website for Arizona State University for some reason I don't even remember anymore. When I was on the site, I accidentally clicked on a link for ASU Online. Now whenever I'm on certain websites, there are these ASU Online ads prominently displayed. I'm being stalked. Stop stalking me ASU Online. I'm done with taking classes. ASU Online, you creep me out. I'm not interested. 

If you get Harper's or have access to the magazine, I highly recommend this article from the June issue: "The Civil Rights Act's Unsung Victory" by Randall Kennedy. It's solid analysis of the act, its influence, and its connection to how people talk about race at present. Here's a passage that's worth noting: "The difficulty is distinguishing nonracist libertarianism from its fraudulent, pre textual lookalikes. There is good reason to be skeptical of those who, in the name of liberty, condemn a law that has rescued millions from the tyranny of unchecked racial ostracism." 

I have a subscription to Esquire magazine because getting subscriptions was one of the elementary school fundraisers this year. The magazine is usually bathroom-quality reading material, but the June/July issue focuses on fatherhood, and there are a number of good articles in it. One in particular is Stephen Marche's "Manifesto of the New Fatherhood." It's a good read for today, which is Father's Day. The last § or ¶ provides a strong summation of the situation: "At the heart of the new fatherhood is a somewhat surprising insight: Men, as fathers, are more crucial than anybody realized. The changing American father is transforming the country at all levels, from the most fundamental to the most ethereal, economically, socially, politically. The epidemic of fatherlessness and the new significance men place on fatherhood point to the same clandestine truth: The world, it turns out, does need fathers." 

Huzzah to good, responsible fathers. 

Stay Positive: Old Advertising

What you see above is my recent purchase from eBay. For over a decade, I've had a couple of framed Schlitz magazine ads from 1951, but I finally got around to getting a beer sign for downstairs. 

The ad on the left is a locker room scene that depicts a victorious golfer pouring "The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous" since he's the "Club Champion" of 1951. 

Here's the text of the ad: "Best round I've had all day!" [at the top of the copy] There's no more rewarding beer than Schlitz, and that's not merely a professional opinion. It's the verdict of the people we make Schlitz for--people, like you, who buy the beer that tastes best to them. More people like Schlitz than any other beer. So it's not surprising that  today Schlitz is... The Largest-selling Beer in America 

The one to the right is hilarious. A little cub stole a six pack of Schlitz from a fellow on picnic with his significant other. She's behind a tree in the background with a "Oh my gosh" look on her face.

Here's the copy of the ad: "You may be cute, but I'm thirsty!" [at the top of the text box] If the cub should happen to open one of those cans, he would know why that two-legged creature is growling about losing his package of Schlitz! Once you've enjoyed the special taste of Schlitz--the taste no other beer can match--you'll know why no beer lover likes to lose a single swallow of the Schlitz he has set his heart on. So many people feel this way about Schlitz that it's... The Largest-selling Beer in America

Random Notes from a Crank

Food Porn Alert

What you see above is the eleven-pound bird I lovingly basted every thirty minutes on Christmas Eve day.

We travel to see my parents on the 27th, but I'm bringing part of the bird with me. Virg always loved the neck, so I'm bringing it with. Darby, our dog, got the turkey's heart, and I get the liver. Huzzah offal. 

Speaking of Darby, it's safe to say she may sometimes dread the holidays.

One of my favorite characters in American cinema is the father in A Christmas Story. He's known affectionately as "The Old Man." 

I got an Eddie Bauer clearance catalog this week, and I turned to the pages where this coat is advertised. It's a great coat if you want to look like a ribbed condom. For her pleasure. 

I remember reading about one of those questions that's supposed to tell you something about your personality. It's whether you're a Beatles person or a Rolling Stones person. From those two choices, for me it's Stones all the way. 

I've trolled a number of best albums of 2012 lists to see how mine compares to others. When I do this, I discover new artists. One album you might want to check out is John Fullbright's From the Ground Up. Fullbright, a native of Okemah, OK (birthplace of Woody Guthrie), put out a fine album this year. The genre is Americana and all the loose connotations that category entails. Todd Mathis at Twangville compares him to Jason Isbell in his review, but I think he's more like a cross between John Hiatt and Joe Pug. Although I'm an agnostic, I enjoy the religious imagery in the lyrics, and he also plays a good harp.

Random Notes from a Crank

After driving from Venice, Florida to Nashville on Friday, it's clear to me that both Florida and Georgia are very long states. Call me Captain Obvious. 

On the drive through Florida and Georgia, I was surprised how many billboards there were on I-75. I've haven't driven much on major interstates on the East Coast, so I don't have a lot of exposure to them, but there were billboards everywhere -- just constant.

A particular billboard I had to suffer through was one advertising a gentleman's club somewhere in the Atlanta area with this simple message: "STRIPPERS. Need we say more?" Thank the Gods that my nine-year daughter was watching movies and reading books because I really didn't want to field the question of "Daddy, what's a stripper?" If posed with that question, I think I'll redirect it with a statement such as "Well, maybe Mommy can explain that." You've been warned, Mrs. Nasty. 

To occasionally counterbalance the stripper advertising, there were assorted religious billboards, which got me thinking...

Why not combine the two?: Pole dancing for Jesus. Read the opinion piece and watch the video. Believe!  

Then I did a simple web search with the search term "Strippers for Jesus." I found all kinds of stuff, including a documentary about the "Pussycat Preacher." 

It appears this kooky idea has already been taken. 

Another big billboard I saw a lot of over a stretch of road was advertising for a gas station named Magnolia Plantation. I suspect they don't get a ton of African-Americans customers with that name since I suspect many folks aren't interested in going to a place called a plantation. Just sayin'.

Since the presidential election is now behind us, I also wondered whether all the blank billboards I saw were from the political ads that harassed stalked blanketed Florida. I noticed a few political billboards here and there about how the sky is going to fall if Obama gets reelected, but not a ton.