Monday, September 29, 2008

Elegy to Naugas

Hannah has her gymnastics class on every Monday from 4-6 pm. To keep my sanity and get away from having to make small talk with moms at Mattoon Academy of Dance & Gymnastics, Quinn and I usually go out shopping or run errands for part of that two hour block of time.

Today we shopped at Big Lots. As I was pushing Quinn along in the store,  I glanced at a "Durahide" sofa set. 

I was intrigued. 

What happened to Naugahyde? 

After much research on the Internet, I tracked down an noted ecologist who got his Ph.D. from the University of Okoboji. Based on information from his academic website, it appears Naugahyde is no more. 

Sadly, the animals that supplied those hides, the Naugas, are extinct. A beautiful, portly creature whose natural habitat was southern parts of South America, the Nauga roamed freely amidst cold and warm water alike. With its distinctive leather-like hide, the Nauga played and frolicked with freedom. The mating call of Naugas, I'm told, was reminiscent to the laughter of Dom Deluise

Those large water mammals lived in harmony with their environment for a long time, for millenia

Then the cheap discount stores came along. First it was Sears, then K-Mart. The death knell for the Nauga came when Wal-Mart came into being. 

All of them harvested Naugas to extinction. Those bastards. 

3 comments:

travolta said...

All of them harvested Naugas to extinction. Those bastards.

Bah. Those damn Naugas had it coming. With their smug looks and tasty meat what did you think would happen?

We are at the top of the food chain for a reason.

Quintilian B. Nasty said...

I'm told that you could cut a Nauga sirloin with a butter knife. The beast went well with Cabernets and Pinot Noirs.

At least that's what I've been told.

Anonymous said...

After much research on the Internet, I tracked down an noted ecologist who got his Ph.D. from the University of Okoboji.

U of Okoboji. That's gold, Jerry. Gold.