Random Notes from a Crank

A new business opened this summer in the small college town where we live. It's called Fruit Chill, and the establishment's fare is frozen yogurt. It's a partially self-serve deal. There's a whole process. You go into the store, grab a cup, and then yank on the dispenser of what flavor you want. Last time we went there, the flavors were pomegranate tart (nonfat), blueberry tart (nonfat), French vanilla, cookies-n-cream, strawberry, and double chocolate. My favorite has been the nonfat mango, but that got replaced by the sweet-salty pretzel flavored yogurt that Mrs. Nasty likes. Nevertheless, the next part of the process is where employees take your cup of yogurt, and you select what toppings you want on the yogurt such as M&Ms, various nuts, gummi bears (my kids' favorite), honey granola (my favorite), chocolate sprinkles, multicolor sprinkles, and so on and so forth. The topping of sprinkles got me pondering. I'm wondering if there are any food chemists who have tried making a different kind of sprinkle. What I'm calling for is a sprinkle made from vegetables. The food manufacturing giants have made strides creating juices that are a mix of both vegetable and fruit juices to sneak vegetables into kids and adults' diets that they sorely need, especially considering the sobering news about the health of Americans if you've watched Weight of the Nation or read reports on the subject. I want the food chemists to make a mainly vegetable-based sprinkle, which would be injected with some type of natural sugar (honey would be good) and other compounds to make the sprinkle stay together. Think of it, as a parent, you'd get to feel good about kids getting sprinkles. Hell, you'd be putting sprinkles on all kinds of dishes. Kids and adults would have another means they'd get part of their recommended daily intake of vegetables. In fact, if you want to turn it up a notch and make this sprinkle notion more alluring for kids, why not make the sprinkles in the form of little snakes for dramatic purposes: "Hey, Tommy, how 'bout some sprinkle snakes on your mashed potatoes?" Tommy would be eating up that stuff with sprinkle snakes all over it. So if you see these veggie-based sprinkles, or even better sprinkle snakes, coming out soon, you can thank yours truly. And I'd like a kickback for coming up with the idea. Take note food chemists out there, you thievin' mofos.

Stories like this one scare the hell out of parents. Unfortunately, these disappearances don't seem rare anymore. And this hits close to home because both my brother and sister live in Evansdale (right next to Waterloo), and my brother's house is right on Meyers Lake.

Last week, someone good-naturedly called me a "big cheese" at my place of work. I laughed about it, but that comment also got me thinking: If I were a cheese, what would I be? I'm going with sharp cheddar or smoked gouda.

As I noted in late May, I went on a binge of watching episodes of The Game of Thrones. Shortly thereafter, I figured I'd give reading the books -- A Song of Ice and Fire series -- a whirl. As I said before, I haven't read a book that would could be labeled as fantasy fiction since junior high school, back in the early 80s. But this book series has sucked me into its world. Currently I'm over halfway through the third book, Storm of Swords, and will be reading the fourth and fifth books. The books have a plot-twisting quality to them. In addition, the author of the series, George R. R. Martin, made a masterful choice by using third person omniscient and having each chapter told from a certain character's point of view. He's taken a technique from Faulkner (think of As I Lay Dying) and other authors and made it more palatable by working in third-person. There are so many excellent characters, and unlike other fantasy fiction I remember reading, there's a great deal of moral ambiguity in these tomes. Even though there are supernatural and fantastical elements to the story, the books read more like historical fiction and political intrigue, which works really well for me. I've become addicted to reading the novels.

And if you've read the books or watched the series on HBO, you might be pleased and/or surprised to learn that two characters' names -- Arya and Theon -- have become popular baby names. Arya is one of my favorite characters in the books so far, but I'd never associate my kid with Theon Grayjoy. I guess it's better than naming your daughter Cersei or your son Joffrey -- but not much.